Motherhood 101: After the Birth

This post will finish out the motherhood special edition posts. We have talked about the different stages of pregnancy and the birth. So what comes next? A couples sisters from our ward shared some insights about the baby's first month and parenting advice.

Lissa shared her insights about the first month -
"Everybody will want to give you advice on what to do with your kids.  Every parent is different and every child is different so listen to people's advice, but then figure out what works for you.  And don't be offended when random people tell you what to do--trust me, it will happen--if you don't agree with what they say, just smile and nod, then do what you want!  Don't lock yourself into specific ideas of how you will handle certain things.  Sometimes you think something before you have kids but afterwards you realize that things are going to work out differently than you thought.  For example, when I was pregnant, I said I would never have the baby sleep in my room with me.  I  changed my mind pretty quickly after I had the baby.  For me personally, I just found it much easier to have the baby in a bassinet next to me for the first few months."

Hallie also weighed in on the first month-
"One of the best pieces of advice I got was to not try to be quiet while my baby was sleeping.  Naturally, you begin whispering after your baby has gone to bed, or down for a nap.  Instead, try keeping some noise going, like a movie or the vacuum.  If you don't, your baby will become a light sleeper, waking up to the tiniest sounds, which will result in you getting less sleep."

Lissa also shared some advice about the plethora of baby products that are available-
"There are a TON of products/toys out there to help you keep your baby happy and occupied or to help you take care of your baby.  You do not need all of those things.  Obviously they can be helpful, but you can definitely live without.  I would recommend picking the two or three things that you think will be the most helpful for you and your needs and save for those instead of trying to get everything.  A bumbo seat and tray can be particularly useful for apartment living--high chairs take up a lot of space and you can definitely get by with just the bumbo and tray.  Even if you have a larger stroller, an umbrella stoller can be a great thing to have around." 

Finally we end with some advice from Lissa on how to keep it all in perspective:
"Try not to worry too much.  You will make mistakes, your baby will cry sometimes, life won't be perfect, but if you try to stay relaxed and not stress too much about everything, your baby will pick up on that and be happier.  Give your husband a chance to help with things.  Sometimes we women have a tendency to want to be in charge of everything baby-related and do everything ourselves.  The more you let your husband help, the better his bond with the baby will be and the more comfortable he will be with helping you (which will really come in handy later when you have more kids and really need the help)."

Motherhood 101: First Trimester

Hallie says:

Don't keep it a secret from EVERYONE, especially if you are experiencing morning sickness or depression.  Tell at least one close friend (preferably one that has been pregnant) so that they can help you.  I was so sick, but scared that I might miscarry that I didn't tell anyone.  Because of that, I was both physically and emotionally drained.  For days I laid in bed just wishing someone would come over and talk with me or watch a movie with me.  LET SOMEONE KNOW how they can help you, even if it's just talking with you for an hour or two, because it's important to stay emotionally healthy, too.

Lissa says:

I'd say the number #1 important thing for the first trimester (and pregnancy in general) is to get LOTS of sleep.  You will be amazed how much it takes out of you to have this little person growing inside of you.  Plus, this will help reduce morning sickness.  

There are all sorts of remedies for morning sickness and what works for one person doesn't always work for others.  I found pickles and ginger ale(with actual ginger in it) to be helpful.  It is also helpful to try to eat a little bit of food as soon as you wake up.  I would keep a sleeve of saltine crackers next to the bed so I could eat a couple crackers before even getting out of bed.  Eating small amounts throughout the day may help.

Maili's list of things she wishes she had known:

1. Don't worry about dishes or dinner too much especially if you are working.  Often I slept in, went to work, and came home so exhausted I took a bath and went to bed.  If anything happened around the house my husband did it.  We only ate macaroni and Ramon during that time since that's all he can make and now I hate them. For nausea, I snacked on honey nut cheerios.

2. Your belly probably won't get "big" (it will be to you since you can see the difference) for a long time.  However, you chest will almost immediately.  Yes you can get stretch marks on them.  I recommend using either olive oil or "Bella B's Tummy Honey during the first trimester on your chest. This also works for your stomach. When your chest gets bigger . . . so do your nipples. They also get a lot darker. I was completely unprepared for that and just find it so weird sometimes still.

3. Sometimes the baby will sit on a nerve.  When it does this it feels like a cell phone is on vibrate just below your uterus.  This is very common, and should not be a any cause for concern.  However, if this happens too much it can cause damage to the nerve, so try to have the baby move spots.  Standing a lot might be a trigger.

4. Before the belly is by any means big you may have tiny "accidents".  This is because hormones are softening the muscles and ligaments in preparation for delivery.  Yes most women deal with this (normally due to a sneeze).  Just wear and carry panty liners with you.  

5. It is possible during or towards the ending of the first trimester to show the same symptoms or signs as you do for PMS. This is just the hormones switching around in the body.  It is very common from even the first weeks to feel uncomfortable around your pelvis because the uterus is expanding. 

The post is not big enough to put everything down that ladies wrote about the first trimester. A lot goes on during this time and it is all new for the mother to be. There is a sweet video that shows the development of the baby up to week 9 (half way down the page), if you are interested.

Motherhood 101: Part Three Special Edition

This post is special because it is out of order. Due to three due dates just around the corner, I am writing about the birth.

Hallie wrote:

Just a heads up in case you are like me and aren't sure what it will feel like when your water breaks.  Before my water broke, I thought that it was a limited amount of water, as if you spilled a glass of water.  It's not.  I thought that if I just sat on the toilet long enough it would stop, but it didn't.  So, just put a pad in (you'll want to buy thick pads ahead of time... you'll need them while you're recovering anyway), get a towel to put on the seat in your car, and drive to the hospital.

Pack stuff to take to the hospital!  Things you don't want to forget are: 

• A nursing bra (just buy one ahead of time)
• ponytail holders (they are easily lost at the hospital)
• camera/video camera
• change of garments/clothes 

Also make a list with stuff that you can't necessarily pack several days ahead of time, such as: 

• toothbrush/toothpaste
• hairbrush
• cell phone charger

If you're considering an epidural, I highly recommend it.  I know some people feel strongly about natural birth and that's fine, but if you don't feel strongly either way, try an epidural!  When I got to the hospital, I was in serious pain.  As soon as the anesthesiologist came and administered the epidural, the pain stopped.  Completely.  I was talking with family and friends moments later as if I was hosting a party.  It was amazing!

Do what the doctors and nurses tell you to do.  They may tell you to "push from your abdomen, not your head" or "tuck your chin" or "push for ten seconds." Don't fight their advice, unless of course, the Spirit is telling you something different.

Lissa says:

If you are planning on getting an epidural, make sure you ask for it right away.  When you ask for it, you get on the anesthesiologist's list and he may have several other people he has to get to before he gets to you.  So if you wait to ask for it until you REALLY, REALLY need it, you are going to be waiting in a lot of pain.  After you have the baby, you will still be pretty chubby.  Don't expect to fit back into your normal clothes right away--when you pack your hospital bag, the clothes you pack to wear home from the hospital will need to be maternity clothes or other clothes with some extra room in them.  When you are in the hospital after giving birth, send the baby to the nursery at night.  It will be your last chance to get a good night's sleep and you should definitely take advantage of that.  The nurses will take good care of your baby and can bring the baby back as soon as you wake up in the morning.

Motherhood 101: Part Two

Miscarriage is a very scary word. They are fairly common, but hardly anyone talks about them so they seem a lot scarier than they are.

One sister wrote:
We tried all summer long to have a baby and I was pretty frustrated after three months of no luck. I know it is common for couples to have difficulty getting pregnant, but knowing it and accepting it are two very different things. Then I had a miscarriage.

Things I learned from my mom, doctors, and this experience:

• Talk to mom. Chances are she will know what is a normal miscarriage and if you should see a doctor.
• Use a pad because tampons will aggravate the area.
• Have one normal period before trying to have a baby again.
• Pray to not be bitter. The day I found out that the extra bleeding was from a miscarriage my sister-in-law announced that she was two months pregnant. It took me a while to be happy for her.

Another sister wrote:

I have not had a miscarriage, but did recently have an ectopic pregnancy.  It is definitely a very difficult experience to go through, both physically and emotionally.  It is hard to have gone through some of the discomfort and pain of pregnancy without getting the reward of having a beautiful child to make it all worth it.  And it is of course extremely saddening and disappointing to go from expecting a baby and making plans for it to no longer having that.  As with any trial in life, it is so essential to lean on the Lord and trust that his plan for you will work out for the best.  Every person handles loss differently so you have to figure out what will work for you, but I found it can be helpful to actually talk about your experience and your feelings.  Having a close friend or coworker that you can express your feelings to helps you to work through them and it is nice to know that somebody knows what you are going through.  Even if they haven't experienced it themselves, they can still sympathize and be there for you.

Maili pulled together a lot of facts about miscarriage. The rest of this post is from her.

Miscarriage at different times during the pregnancy should be viewed differently.  The first miscarriage a person may encounter happens so early in the pregnancy that most women didn't even know they were pregnant.  This happens when the body realizes the cells of the egg have chromosomal dysfunction and that a baby will never be able to grow or function from it.

Women will commonly miscarriage between weeks 5-15.  The most common cause for miscarriage during this time is horomones. The hormone progestrone is responsible for sustaining and nourishing the endimetrium (lining of the uterus). If there is not enough progestrone in the system then the lining will not be sufficient for an embryo to grow and the body will efficiently dispose of the embryo.  Getting hormones balanced leads to a whole different topic, but there are progestrone creams that can be applied topically to the belly. The cream will continue to ensure that the lining is suitable for embryo growth. For further reading on miscarriage signs and reasons this webpage is fantastic.

After the first trimester the chances of miscarriage dramatically drop. But if a miscarriage happens, see a doctor! The recovery and grieving process are much longer for second or third trimester miscarriages. We pray that none of you will have to deal with this trial. However, sometimes it's important for us to remember that it just may be that the baby's spirit is not ready to come into the world.  

Motherhood 101: Part One

Ever wonder how to prepare for motherhood? Or what it is like to be pregnant? Who can you talk to about it? After all, it is recommended that ladies don't broadcast when they are pregnant until they've made it past the first trimester of pregnancy. That is approximately three months of keeping a secret when their bodies are going through some major changes.  Hopefully you have a friend or family member who can help you through the process when the time comes, but if not, we've pulled together advice from the current mothers and mothers-to-be in our ward.

This will be the first of a series of blog posts about motherhood. To start off, we are talking about the decision of when to have children. Honestly, there is no right or wrong time. The decision is between you, your spouse, and the Lord. Prayer is a good place to start.

Lissa states:
I think the number one thing to remember with this is to have faith.  Having children is a divine calling and something that the Lord wants us to do so he will always help you do it.  It may not always seem possible, but the Lord will make it work.  If you wait until you feel 100% ready (whether that be emotionally, financially, physically, or whatever else) you may never have children.  But if you go forward with faith, you will be amazed at how well things work out.  Also, once you have made the decision, don't let fear make you second guess yourself--faith is the opposite of fear.  Having a baby is a new experience and of course there are things that will make you nervous and uncertain, but you just take things one at a time and you will be fine.


For more reading on this topic see Elder Anderson's talk Children in the October 2011 LDS General Conference.